I hate how out of shape I am – I wish someone would make me in better shape. I hate how fat I am – I wish someone would make me less fat. I hate how poor my marks in school are – I wish someone would make me smarter. I hate how slow I read – I wish someone would make me read faster. I hate that I am so broke – I wish someone would make me rich. I hate how lonely I am – I wish someone would make me less lonely. I hate how much I hate myself – I wish someone would make me love me more.
I hate, I hate, I hate. Is that what’s on your message board? If it is, you must really hate that!!!
The reality is that we all have messages of hatred from time to time. The voices in your head can drag you down if you let them. We all have times in our lives when things aren’t really the way they should be. Life can be horrible at times. But depending on someone else to change it makes you irresponsible. Take responsibility. Stand up for what you believe in.
Standing up for what you believe in is difficult when you don’t love yourself. Loving yourself is a key ingredient in stopping the ‘I hate’ feeling that comes with insecurity.
Love is the most powerful thing on this planet. Love is able to overpower all hatred. Hatred exists only in an environment where love does not exist. Hatred does not grow where there is love.
Love is one of the six primary human needs. In fact it is number one of the six. Being loved is a need that is necessary for our survival. Being loved starts with loving yourself. Being able to love yourself is key to being able to love without expectations.
For so many of us, loving ourselves is a challenge when you grow up in an environment without love. As a child, we continually ask for love because we need it to survive and grow. But what happens when you don’t receive it? Or when you are continually told that what you are doing is not good enough and you should do better. For some, that treatment happens often during childhood, but it also happens during adulthood.
Living in a relationship where your partner continually tells you, in whatever way, that you’re not good enough. Or that what you are doing is not good enough. Perhaps it’s the way you cook, or the way you dress or the the whatever you suck at. This form of abuse is not acceptable. Most people associate abuse with something physical, but mental abuse can be so much worse. In part, because its difficult to understand. There are no visible bruises or scars. The continuous beating down of a person on the mental side brings down the morality of the individual. The mental beatings can bring an individual down to a breaking point where it can become impossible to love yourself, let alone love someone else.
The result is that you begin to show love in some very strange ways. Ways that would not be acceptable to an person who is truly loved. Despair turns to desperation, which turns to reactions and behaviors that would not be acceptable to yourself if you hadn’t suffered the abuse. Hatred grows of yourself because of the unacceptable behavior. We see this in the form of addictions or other irrational behavior. The spiral continues within the individual and around them. Like a tornado that continually grows in power.
When we are born, we are born with the gift of pure love. There is also belief that that pure love actually begins at conception. Love, especially of oneself, is a God given gift that we each were granted. Love is within us, it’s a part of our spirit. If you believe in the life after, love is a part of our soul. Hatred is a learned behavior. A baby does not hate.
Hate can become so learned that love seizes to exist within oneself. We see this in so many people with the challenges of addictions or criminal behavior. Not loving yourself results in activities that a loving person does not understand. That is why so many are challenged with the dismal way some choose to live.
Because love is and always will be within us, the only person that is responsible for loving yourself is who? You guessed it – it’s you. Loving yourself is your responsibility. The first step to growing the love within yourself is to accept and admit that it is your responsibility. But you also need to accept and admit that it is not your responsibility alone to grow that love. The God that you believe in gave you the ability to love yourself at conception. If you have been beaten up in life, and are finding it difficult to love yourself again, then ask the one who originally gave you that gift for help. That higher power was there for you when it was given and will be there for you when you want to love yourself again.
Loving yourself is the key to the gate to loving others. We can only love others to the extent that we love ourselves. True inspiration or evidence of this comes from exploring the lives of others. Especially those who have experienced extreme hatred in their lives and have risen out of that hatred by loving themselves. Then growing to love those that caused the hatred in the first place. Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela are names we are all familiar with. Each of those people were able to love others only because they loved themselves. Each of those individuals believed in a power higher than that of themselves. Each of them took the responsibility upon themselves to love themselves. It was not someone else’s responsibility to love them. But as a result they are loved by many.
True love is humble in nature but powerful in effect. Look around you, and you will find the inspiration you need to love yourself more and to hate yourself or things about you less.
What are you writing on your personal message board? I hope that in some way this message is a message of love. And when others challenge that message, allow those challenges to strengthen your message instead of weakening it.
There is no power greater than love.