Our society has a ridiculously huge focus on valuing a person’s net worth on how much stuff you own, or at least appear to own. Commercialism is rampant. Following the lifestyles of some rich, over indulged reality person for some reason has become reality – when in reality it isn’t. People are led to believe that the person with the most toys wins. And all you have to do is make more money so you can buy more things and all troubles will be cured. The fact is that money is important – but it must be aligned with your well-being and the experiences that are of value to you and your family.
Our well-being is continually challenged by the demands of society’s expectations.
The ‘Hamster Wheel’ lifestyle that people are living is putting a strain on our physical and spiritual beings…we are allowing this ‘Keep up with the Jones’ lifestyle to control our real meaning of life. Core values have become misaligned as a result of the pursuit for wealth. A wealth that is misaligned, out of balance and has resulted in an implosion within individuals and their families.
Our ability to grow and share our knowledge in meaningful ways is being taken away.
Because of the demands of day to day life we spend more time preparing for work, commuting to work and at work than the time we invest in experiences and the sharing of those experiences with those that are important to us.
Sageview Strategies is changing the way that your net worth is determined, invested and grown. By focusing on the balance of three key areas in a triad, the results become more meaningful wealth. It’s a wealth that is transferable from one generation to the next. A wealth that does not deteriorate. A wealth that is controlled by the owner – the owner is you.
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Vicissitude – A change or variation occurring in the course of something
Why is wealth defined by how much you are financially worth? How much money do you have in the bank? (or under your mattress!) How much is your stock portfolio was worth? How big is your house? And how expensive is your fancy suit?
Sageview Strategies Inc. is rewriting the book on how to define your wealth. We believe that financial independence is defined by each individual person – that would be you – not some big bank or investment firm.
It’s the value that you place on your most meaningful assets that creates a wealth that grows exponentially. A wealth that is truly balanced and meaningful.
Your belief’s, your values and your self-worth is the key to your financial independence.
Why does Sageview Strategies Inc. do what we do?
We believe that your wealth is a combination of your Personal Wisdom, Well-Being and Financial Assets.
Coaching individuals to invest in these assets today. Growing their value into tomorrow. Then bringing them to the world in the future is our passion.
That’s how we are redefining wealth.
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If a father makes everything perfect in his children’s lives they may admire him for his perfection, but do they love him?
There is a growing admiration of the pretty bright shiny things. All those eye-catching things that the preachers of consumerism keep throwing our way. Like the so called famous people, who have no talent. The biggest fanciest televisions, that can no longer be repaired. The fastest cars, boats, motorcycles and other toys, that are difficult to afford. I could go on but I think you know what I mean.
As a father, we always say we want the best for our children. We want to give them what we never had as children. We want their lives to be easier than ours. We want our children’s prosperity to be greater than ours.
These are great wants and very honorable desires … but what exactly is it that we want our children to have more of, and at what costs?
Do these desires as a parent mean that we have to continually be reaching deep into our pockets, or lines of credit, in order to purchase the newest and fanciest items for our children. Do we have to work two jobs to make sure that our children are fully involved each minute of the day in activities? Do our children need to have more structured experiences by the time they turn sixteen, than we did by the time we turn forty? Did we turn out that bad that we have to kill ourselves to make sure our children don’t turn out lesser than us? So that they seem to have more than we did when we were children. Is that what wanting more for our children means?
What is it that children really need? They need parents that provide them with stability and certainty with their presence, not presents. They need parents that will challenge them to grow a balanced and full childhood. A childhood that is filled with a variety of childhood experiences, not adulthood experiences. They need to learn that being a child is extremely important. That this stage of their life needs to be filled with childhood dreams, not their parents unfulfilled dreams.
Most importantly, children need to be loved. They need their parents to be there for them. To be with them as they grow and learn. They need to learn this love from their parent, not from an app on their new tablet. And they need to make mistakes so that they learn that everything they do isn’t perfect. They need to learn that there are no participation ribbons in the real world. As children we learned from our mistakes. Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities, we need to stop taking this away from our children.
Can a relationship with our child that is based on admiration of perfection be permanent? Can this form of admiration last forever? Or does this admiration diminish in time, as the child finds out that their father is not perfect. Admiration of perfection is fleeting in that way. Just like all those other bright shiny things that don’t last.
Striving to be a perfect father takes away from our ability to be human. To be a good father you must love, to love you must be human. True lasting love has a difficult time surviving within perfection. The pursuit of being admired for perfection can have a smothering effect on a relationship. And like everything else, when smothered it will die.
Sometimes we even need to make mistakes and learn with our children. We need to be less than perfect to be perfect. When a father makes mistakes, and learns with his children, his child learns that life is about continual learning. When a child sees their father learning from the mistakes he makes, the child learns that they do not need to feel that they have to be perfect. They learn to not smother themselves. They also learn the extremely important virtues of humility and forgiveness. These virtues can only be learned where imperfection exists. Where reality exists.
The other virtue that is taught through imperfection is love. A child’s love is the true admiration of a father. When a father can laugh with his child about the mistakes they make. When they can learn together through those mistakes. The bond that is created is everlasting. The love that is created is everlasting. This is a love that is not fleeting like the admiration of the next bright shiny thing that comes along.
Teaching your child that you love yourself, even though you are not perfect, is one of the greatest teachings a father can ever give to their child. This one thing alone will most likely give your child more than you had ever received as a child.
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Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Sageview Strategies Inc. took root when Bev and Dwayne realized that their own definition of meaningful wealth had become misaligned.
After nearly 30 years of working within the financial services industry, and counselling clients on wealth creation and wealth preservation, they realized that the focus and direction of the traditional financial planning platform was misaligned. It’s focus was entirely on the growth of a person’s worth in one area – their finances. This focus created imbalance, or emptiness within other areas of an individual’s life. Areas that money cannot buy. Areas that the vast majority of people would not give up under any circumstances. Areas that are more meaningful than money alone.
As a result of this realization, a new seed was planted, and Sageview Strategies Inc. was created. While Finances and Wealth are important, we must not forget to keep it balanced with our PersonalWell-Being and our Wisdom. Achieving balance and growth within our Wealth, Well-being and Wisdom is the ‘Why’ of Sageview Strategies Inc. It’s the reason we were created. It’s the reason we ask that you grow your wisdom and learn more about our strategies. You can decide if our realizations are in line with your future vision of success.
The Sageview Strategies website is a collection of thoughts and ideas of how to live a good and balanced life. We hope you find value in what is shared.
“Wealth should not be measured by big investment accounts, big homes and big suits alone. Meaningful wealth is a result of self recognition of the true value of oneself. Meaningful wealth is valuing, investing in and growing your well-being, your wisdom and your financial assets in a balanced way. – Bev & Dwayne Fedoriuk
‘We can complain because the rose bushes have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.’
I’m not sure where that saying originated, but what I do know is that it makes me think about how we as humans train ourselves to perceive things in interesting ways.
Have you ever been told to view the glass as half full, instead of half empty. Or smiling takes less muscles than frowning. Or don’t be so sensitive and you won’t get hurt.
As we go through life, we experience different events. Some events are positive, like the birth of a child. Others are negative, like the death of a loved one. Some create joy, like the feeling of love. Others create sadness of not being loved. At times we get angry, and other times we are content. Each one of these emotional reactions originate within our spirit. How we process them is a result of our current and past experiences. That’s how we are designed as a species. Homo sapiens, thankfully, came with emotions built in. Those built-in varying, and sometimes volatile emotions, are one of the key traits that have kept us from going extinct.
Often though, we are told we shouldn’t feel a certain way. Don’t cry because men are supposed to be tough. Don’t get angry because it isn’t nice. Don’t show love because you will just get hurt. Or, don’t get too excited, something is bound to go wrong. Don’t smell the roses because you will end up pricking the end of your nose if you get too close.
The other thing that happens often, especially through social media, is the endless posts of positive comments and sayings. Each one telling you that you should feel a certain way. With no reasoning, justification or process of feeling the way they say you should. Just feel that way because they say so.
The merry go round of emotions begin when you are told to feel a certain way, and you just don’t feel that emotion. Why are you feeling a certain emotion when everything and everyone is telling you that you shouldn’t feel that way? That merry go round is very unfair. If you stay on that merry go round long enough, your life turns into a circus. You begin to disbelieve yourself because you are continually confronted by all these other people, and sayings, telling you that you shouldn’t feel the way you feel. You loose faith in yourself. You begin to think you are lying to yourself and all these other people and sayings are the truth. The circus grows.
Your feelings are your feelings. They don’t belong to someone else. They belong to you. You own them. You are responsible for believing them. You are responsible for controlling them. It’s your duty to deal with them in an honest way.
If your feelings are your feelings, and not someone else’s, then they become the truth. They are what they are because they are what they are. We are supposed to feel certain ways at certain times. We are going to feel hurt when something hurtful comes our way. We will be happy when something good comes our way. And we may feel anger when something doesn’t align with our beliefs or our values. Feelings are a part of life. They are one of the things that separate us from all other creatures on this planet. They are what makes us human, and if managed properly they keep us humane.
The problem isn’t that we have feelings. No one should tell you how to feel and how long to feel that way. We each need to shamelessly accept the way we feel.
A problem can arise when we remain in that state of feeling for too long. Especially if those emotions limit our growth. When we carry the baggage of growth-limiting emotions, and we aren’t able to let go of the heavy burden, we will eventually die spiritually, and maybe even physically, within that baggage.
The most challenging step for us is recognizing when we are holding onto that baggage for too long. Awareness is the key, but it is a key that is often lost, just like our car keys. Awareness gets set aside, and all we can do is frantically dwell on the emotion that is keeping us locked out of moving along with our life. Restricting and limiting our growth.
The awareness key unlocks your ability to be aware of your emotional state. It allows you to honor your emotions. By honoring your emotions, you allow yourself to feel the way you feel. You give yourself permission to feel the way you feel. You are able to justify your emotions, even though others aren’t honoring them by discouraging you from feeling the way you feel.
Honoring your emotions is the key to moving on. It’s being honest to yourself. To progress through a deep emotional state requires honesty in how you feel. It also requires honesty to the reason why you feel the way you do. This honesty allows you to move on to the next step. It allows you to progress through the emotion and not live within it. Honesty to yourself allows you to have truthful, unsuppressed emotions that are healthy. Honesty will also keep those emotions from spiraling out of control, keeping you in control and keeping your life from becoming a circus.
As that awareness is unlocked, and is set free to be what it is, you will be able to find gratitude in what you experienced. Acknowledgement and recognition of things that you are grateful for is another key on the key chain that will help you move on, to find balance.
Sometimes, setting yourself free from this emotional circus requires help. Especially if the emotions are extreme. Getting unstuck on your own is difficult. Spinning your tires just digs you deeper. Connecting with a Life Coach is like calling a tow truck driver when you’re stuck in the snow bank. All you have to do is say ‘I’m stuck and I can’t get out’!
After my Dad was killed in an accident, a close friend and mentor told me that allot of people will tell me they know how I feel. He said that only you will know how you feel, only you know the true meaning of your feelings, don’t let others tell you how to feel. That was twenty three years ago, and it’s advice that I reflect on often.
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Have you ever taken time to draw a picture of the way something looked in the past, and then drawn a picture of the same event from today’s perspective? Probably not, but if you did how clear would that original picture be? Is there color in it? Are there smiles or tears, anger or love, frustration or contentment?
Does your picture of past relationships with loved ones that have passed on include smiles or sadness? How about that great friendship that you once had that is no longer part of our life, what would that picture look like? Would that person be included in a picture of your future? Do you focus too much of your energy on desiring those past relationships, those past pictures. Is the relationship that you reflect on an old picture. Perhaps past relationships no longer exist because they no longer fulfill your current or future needs. Does it belong in your future? Or does it belong in your past?
What if you drew a picture of the relationships that are currently in your life? Who would be in that picture? What emotions would exist in that picture? What would you be doing? Where would you be? Where would you be going?
How about the future relationships that you want to be part of your life? Are you able to draw a picture of those? If you could draw a picture of the future relationships, what would it look like? What needs would it fulfill? What types of experiences would you be experiencing? Are those experiences the same as the experiences that you already have had? Or are they different? If you could draw the picture of your future, how would it differ from your past, or your present?
Drawing a picture of a future relationship is like creating something that never existed before. It’s like a new masterpiece. Something that you never experienced before. Something that you never felt before. Creating this new masterpiece requires taking some risk. Without risk there is no growth. Without growth, how can life be fulfilled?
What if this new relationship that you seek is with YOU? Yes You! Can you draw a picture of your future self? What would that picture look like? Is it a picture that you believe so strongly in that you would share with others? Drawing a future picture of yourself takes great courage. Sharing it takes even greater courage. What if you don’t live up to this picture? What if it didn’t come true? Wouldn’t that make you a looser? Perhaps even a failure? Holy crapper – don’t go there!
Growth of any kind requires vision. We would never build a new home or office building without blueprinting it first. That would be plain foolish. After all, how would we know what the future building would look like if we didn’t have a blueprint, if we didn’t have plans. In some cases we even go as far as having an architectural model developed so we can visually see how that building is going to look when we are done. We would be foolish to start the building process without the plans being finalized and ‘stamped’ by an engineer.
Yet so many of us just wander through life without a blueprint, without plans and without a picture of our future self. If designing your future was as simple as drawing a picture – what would that picture look like?
The beauty of drawing a picture of your own future, is that your future is continually changing. Unlike a building, your life is full of life, if you choose for it to be. When you are living a life that is alive you are able to continuously revamp your picture. You can add to it, remove from it, highlight certain parts of it and change the colors. This is the beauty of drawing a picture of your future self. Don’t wait for someone else to draw the picture for you. Pick up the pencil in your own hand and begin drawing a life that is a one of a kind masterpiece.
Practice makes perfect – now there’s a saying that has been drilled over and over into everyone’s head over the years!
The problem is that ‘perfect’ isn’t possible. To achieve perfection in anything would in fact stop progress.
So, why do we practice to be perfect? Why do you want to stop growth? Why is there this goal to stop progress? If perfect isn’t possible then aren’t you practicing to achieve something that is not achievable?
We do not make something perfect by practicing the same thing over and over and over. Practicing should be an attempt to make something better, and better, and better, not make it perfect. If your goal is to be perfect, then go ahead and keep practicing, maybe you will get there. Wherever there is!
But if you want to live and to grow then you gotta make new. You need to view things with the mindset of impermanence.
What the heck is impermanence – was what I silently asked myself the fist time I heard the word. I didn’t want to seem naive and ask for the definition. That would be like asking for directions to get somewhere. A real man never does that! Especially when it’s your daughter using this fancy word! So I did what every brave man and father now does – I Googled it!
Turns out impermanence is in fact a word. Who knew! And it’s a good word. No wonder I didn’t know what it meant!
Impermanence is one of the essential doctrines and a part of three marks of existence in Buddhism. I have never purposely studied or practiced Buddhism. I have no idea yet what the three marks are. But thank you Google and Wikipedia for helping me define impermanence!
Impermanence, according to Wikipedia, is the belief that all things, whether material or mental, are compounded in a constant or continuous change of condition. All things are subject to growth, decline and destruction. All physical and mental events, state’s Buddhism, come into being and dissolving. Human life itself is in a constant state of change. As are our relationships with others, and with ourselves. Everything we possess or own. Our belongings and our space. All things in the universe are in a constant state of change. Makes sense, kind of like the Big Bang Theory!
Enlightenment comes when we realize that what appears to be permanent really is in a continual state of change.
Enlightenment comes when we realize that no matter how hard we practice to be perfect, we never are. That’s because each of our definitions of perfection is in a constant state of change. Even our relationship with perfection is in a constant state of impermanence. Everything is impermanent, even permanence.
Some of us spend our lives practicing to be perfect at something. And because we are never able to reach that level of perfection, we are continuously letting ourselves down. What failures we are for not being perfect!
Get over it! Humans were never created to be perfect. We were created to be unique. And through that uniqueness we are allowed to be impermanent.
The other truth, or enlightenment, is that by practicing to be perfect does not make new. It just attempts to perfect something that already exists and is likely deteriorating.
To continually attempt to make something that is impermanent perfect, is like wearing your old high school football jersey to your grandson’s prom. The jersey likely no longer fits. The numbers are falling off. And the emblem on the front that you idolized in high school likely isn’t in the same condition as it was thirty or forty years ago! No matter how many times you wear that jersey, and relive that big play in your senior year of high school, it likely still isn’t exactly how it was drawn in Coach Rink’s playbook. The play you practiced over and over to make perfect, after all these years, still isn’t perfect.
If your goal is to be perfect, then keep practicing, maybe you will get that touchdown yet! Even though the game is long over.
If you want to live though, well then you gotta make new! You gotta move ahead with your own unique imperfect self. Take pride and ownership in the creation of that special imperfection you call you.
Because if you’re not moving ahead, Buddha says you are declining and self destructing. And that picture ain’t so pretty!
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Can you recall an experience in your life when an individual, or a group of individuals like politicians, have either received allot of money or gain the control of others money. More money than they have ever been used to being in control of.
Does the new found control of this money seem to put them out of control. Do they loose control.
What happens when the money is gone and the wheels fall off?
Spending the money with no control or direction on how it may affect their’s or your well being. Or your knowledge. Without control the money is quickly depleted. All the shiny pretty stuff no longer has meaning. The spending was just a crutch. And when the money is gone the crutch is ripped away. The individual or individuals fall hard.
If it was a group of people they may fall even harder and start blaming each other. They fight and they argue. They have a negative affect on their families and their communities. Lawyers soon get involved so that each person can prove that the other is wrong. The lawyers take what’s left of the money, and maybe even more.
The individuals end up losing more than the money. They have lost a part of their well being. Their health deteriorates. Their friendships and loved ones disappear. Whether the lawyers prove them right or not the reality is they have likely lost more than the money could buy.
The most important asset of all, time, has slipped past them like a thief has broken in when they weren’t paying attention and took it away from them. Time can never be repurchased.
Yet they focus their negative energy on the money that was lost. And then they call the money evil. Or the devil.
Some people say that money is the root of all evil. They say that if it weren’t for the money they would be happy. The reality is that money is money. It is a thing. When people give things life, without having a way to control it, the thing begins to control you.
How do you maintain control of things? By practicing awareness and measuring the impact that the thing has on your health and well-being. The well-being of your family and the wisdom that is gained through the benefit of having the money, or the thing. And how you impact the lives of others through your generosity. That’s how you maintain control. That’s how you keep ‘the thing’ from controlling ‘the you’.
When controlled and measured by its impact on areas of importance – the money will just be a thing. It’s impact will last indefinitely if utilized and controlled as a thing.
Money is not the devil – those who loose control of it are…
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I hate how out of shape I am – I wish someone would make me in better shape. I hate how fat I am – I wish someone would make me less fat. I hate how poor my marks in school are – I wish someone would make me smarter. I hate how slow I read – I wish someone would make me read faster. I hate that I am so broke – I wish someone would make me rich. I hate how lonely I am – I wish someone would make me less lonely. I hate how much I hate myself – I wish someone would make me love me more.
I hate, I hate, I hate. Is that what’s on your message board? If it is, you must really hate that!!!
The reality is that we all have messages of hatred from time to time. The voices in your head can drag you down if you let them. We all have times in our lives when things aren’t really the way they should be. Life can be horrible at times. But depending on someone else to change it makes you irresponsible. Take responsibility. Stand up for what you believe in.
Standing up for what you believe in is difficult when you don’t love yourself. Loving yourself is a key ingredient in stopping the ‘I hate’ feeling that comes with insecurity.
Love is the most powerful thing on this planet. Love is able to overpower all hatred. Hatred exists only in an environment where love does not exist. Hatred does not grow where there is love.
Love is one of the six primary human needs. In fact it is number one of the six. Being loved is a need that is necessary for our survival. Being loved starts with loving yourself. Being able to love yourself is key to being able to love without expectations.
For so many of us, loving ourselves is a challenge when you grow up in an environment without love. As a child, we continually ask for love because we need it to survive and grow. But what happens when you don’t receive it? Or when you are continually told that what you are doing is not good enough and you should do better. For some, that treatment happens often during childhood, but it also happens during adulthood.
Living in a relationship where your partner continually tells you, in whatever way, that you’re not good enough. Or that what you are doing is not good enough. Perhaps it’s the way you cook, or the way you dress or the the whatever you suck at. This form of abuse is not acceptable. Most people associate abuse with something physical, but mental abuse can be so much worse. In part, because its difficult to understand. There are no visible bruises or scars. The continuous beating down of a person on the mental side brings down the morality of the individual. The mental beatings can bring an individual down to a breaking point where it can become impossible to love yourself, let alone love someone else.
The result is that you begin to show love in some very strange ways. Ways that would not be acceptable to an person who is truly loved. Despair turns to desperation, which turns to reactions and behaviors that would not be acceptable to yourself if you hadn’t suffered the abuse. Hatred grows of yourself because of the unacceptable behavior. We see this in the form of addictions or other irrational behavior. The spiral continues within the individual and around them. Like a tornado that continually grows in power.
When we are born, we are born with the gift of pure love. There is also belief that that pure love actually begins at conception. Love, especially of oneself, is a God given gift that we each were granted. Love is within us, it’s a part of our spirit. If you believe in the life after, love is a part of our soul. Hatred is a learned behavior. A baby does not hate.
Hate can become so learned that love seizes to exist within oneself. We see this in so many people with the challenges of addictions or criminal behavior. Not loving yourself results in activities that a loving person does not understand. That is why so many are challenged with the dismal way some choose to live.
Because love is and always will be within us, the only person that is responsible for loving yourself is who? You guessed it – it’s you. Loving yourself is your responsibility. The first step to growing the love within yourself is to accept and admit that it is your responsibility. But you also need to accept and admit that it is not your responsibility alone to grow that love. The God that you believe in gave you the ability to love yourself at conception. If you have been beaten up in life, and are finding it difficult to love yourself again, then ask the one who originally gave you that gift for help. That higher power was there for you when it was given and will be there for you when you want to love yourself again.
Loving yourself is the key to the gate to loving others. We can only love others to the extent that we love ourselves. True inspiration or evidence of this comes from exploring the lives of others. Especially those who have experienced extreme hatred in their lives and have risen out of that hatred by loving themselves. Then growing to love those that caused the hatred in the first place. Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Nelson Mandela are names we are all familiar with. Each of those people were able to love others only because they loved themselves. Each of those individuals believed in a power higher than that of themselves. Each of them took the responsibility upon themselves to love themselves. It was not someone else’s responsibility to love them. But as a result they are loved by many.
True love is humble in nature but powerful in effect. Look around you, and you will find the inspiration you need to love yourself more and to hate yourself or things about you less.
What are you writing on your personal message board? I hope that in some way this message is a message of love. And when others challenge that message, allow those challenges to strengthen your message instead of weakening it.